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Here’s the Most Unhealthy Breakfast Cereal of All Time

Here’s the Most Unhealthy Breakfast Cereal of All Time

Alyson Lewis
February 23, 2024

Welcome to the Cracked newsletter!

This issue is about trivia, ridiculous ideas, ‘Freddy Got Fingered,’ actors who ruin movies, and much more.

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Here’s the Most Unhealthy Breakfast Cereal of All Time

The days of anyone with any concern for their health considering most breakfast cereal “part of a complete breakfast” are long gone. To be honest, that whole presentation was a bit weird anyways, given that it was shown next to what looked like an entire hotel breakfast bar, a supposed day-starter capable of making a horse vomit. Nevertheless, even in reasonable portions, most people have clued in to the fact that our favorite cereals were more or less a vehicle for processed sugar, regardless of what fruits they may have been shaped into by some extruder.

Let’s say you walk the left-hand path breakfast-wise, however. You are one of the few that indulges in breakneck hedonism as soon as your rise each morning. You don’t eat the sensible, ennui-riddled meal that is an Adult Breakfast. No steel-cut oats, no plain yogurt, nor my personal breakfast of choice, a mug of black coffee and a 50-milligram Zoloft. If horrifically unhealthy breakfast cereal is your favored daily sin, then what cereal is the absolute worst you could choose?

The Greenaissance: Tom Green’s ‘Freddy Got Fingered’ Is Getting a Critical Reappraisal

Way back in April 2001, Tom Green made his big screen directorial debut with Freddy Got Fingered, an absurdist nightmare of a comedy crammed full of gory set pieces, jokes about sexual abuse, sausage-themed synthesizer songs and other repugnant moments that were somehow bankrolled by the same studio that produced Star Wars and The Sound of Music.

Despite the popularity of his MTV show, Green’s movie wasn’t exactly a big hit. It barely made its modest budget back at the box office, and was positively annihilated by film critics, most of whom treated Freddy Got Fingered the way one would treat a fungal infection. It currently has a Rotten Tomatoes score of just 10 percent. Paul Clinton of CNN wrote, “There is not one single moment in the entire 86 minutes of this film that is the least bit redeemable on any level.” Variety called it “one of the most brutally awful comedies ever to emerge from a major studio.”